In the past 7 days I have, gotten the certificate from the state to get the motorcycle endorsement for my license, practiced my newly developed skill on a dirt bike, (Thank you John and Dan) and rode a camel (NO THANK YOU DAN!! :).
By far the camel ride was the most terrifying of the three. Seriously. I’ll blog about the motorcycle class later, but this story was too funny to sit on.
Let me set this up for you. Last night John (my fellow slave to law school and friend) took me to a mutual friend Dan’s house to ride dirt bikes and work on my clutch throttle skills. Dan and his family seem to be creating a miniature zoo on their farm, and I really wanted to see the animals (I’m like Ellie May Clampett, I love myself some critters). They have lots and they have actually bought a young camel. His name is Arthur, and just like most young adult male humans (and some adult men for that matter), Arthur is reluctant to follow directions and do as he is told.
Dan said, “lets see if Arthur will ‘cush’”. Apparently getting a camel to cush, is getting it to fold its legs under and lay down on its belly (example in the photo, but this is not Arthur). And Arthur was a very good boy, he cushed on first request. Everybody (John, Dan, Jasmine, and Myself) was impressed. Arthur had the appearance of being such a good, well behaved camel. Dan calls for me to come over and get on Arthur and he’ll lead me around for a little ride. So here I go over and climb between his two humps (still thinking Arthur is a good boy). I hold on to the front hump, Arthur gets up, and we begin.
As soon as Arthur gets up, I realize that this bareback camel ride is nothing like the ones I had ever taken as a child at the zoo. It was pretty uncomfortable. I liken it to sitting on a 2x2 board or a small metal pipe (you pick) and having two people hoist the ends and pick you up in the air and walk you around. After a few minutes I proclaim that it “really hurts and it’s well, splitting my biscuit up here!” My brief ride was declared over (or so I thought). For the next 10-15 minutes Arthur showed his teenage defiance. Arthur refused to cush. REFUSED. Dan kept asking him to cush, and the more Dan asked, the more Arthur refused and fought. Arthur would thrash, and I would squeal. I tried hard not to squeal, because when I did, Arthur would turn his long neck and head to look at me while he trashed around. So I tried to hold back my squeal hoping that he would stay focused on Dan, who was giving him the command to cush. But when he would get close to the electric fence, I could not contain my shrieks. I just kept picturing in my head that any minute that camel or me, was going to touch the fence. I could see Arthur bolting off and me plummeting to the ground. Arthur pooped, but that didn’t help, he still wouldn’t lie down. After many attempts and much pleading by me for Arthur to obey, Dan tells me I’m just going to have to get off while he’s standing.
I asked if he was serious, I made my last plea for Arthur to frickin cush, and then started trying to figure out how I was going to do this. Dan told me just to swing my leg over, like I would a horse, and slide down. Okay two problems. One, I’m a whole lot higher up than a horse. Two, it’s a camel! There’s two foot humps both in the front and in the back of me creating quite an obstacle for me to “just throw my leg over”. There’s no saddle, no stirrups to shift your weight inorder to heave your leg over. How the hell I’m I supposed to clear that hump with my leg? Hummmm? How? There’s no way, NO WAY! I’m going to hit the ground, I’m just going to. Should I try to clear the front one, or the back one? I’m surely going to fall. I gathered courage, Dan stood behind me to brace me from totally landing flat on my back. Jasmine held the camel (Thank you by the way) and I lean to the side to initiate my dismount. Of course, as I was afraid, I did not clear the back hump ( that’s the one I choose to go for). And at one point, as I was sliding off, I amazed myself at my flexibility because my foot was stuck behind that hump, way over my head. But I made it off in one piece and I didn’t even hit the ground, thanks to Dan’s help. John was quite disappointed that he did not have his camera present to capture the memorable moment. But I’m sure it would have been hard to get a good picture while laughing as hard as you were. Only after I got off did I realize that very few people have attempted to ride this camel. I suggest a cushion and some of those stairs they roll up to board airplanes before I try again.
Arthur was a very friendly camel, and he held no grudges over the whole thing. He came up and nuzzled me and loved up against my body right afterwards. He checked me out from head to toe. So I am not holding a grudge either. Let’s just say I won’t be imagining a camel ride through the Western Desert anytime soon. Or a camel ride through the pen in Dan’s backyard either.
