Happy Mother's Day

This time last year I didn’t feel much like a Mommy on Mother’s Day. I was still pregnant and felt that I had not yet achieved that title. I had wanted for so long to be a Mommy. I bided my time to finish college and then law school and then to pass the bar exam. I was happy, yet jealous of my friends with children and loved every moment of snuggling with theirs.

I was right in my assumption last year too. I had no idea what all was about to come. Now I’m a Mom. I’m truly a Mom. Out of all that school and all that I’ve done, I have to say I’m proudest of Margaux. Everything about her, her snuggles, smiles and giggles light up my heart. Matt was playing with Margaux in the floor the other night and I asked him if he wanted another one. Of course he said yes. I asked him if he still wanted three (which he has mentioned before). His response... that honestly he'd like four but knows I wouldn't be on board for it. Your absolutely right bud! FOUR! Nope! not happening! absolutely not! never in a million. NO.... No.... no! Two yes! any more will have to be evaluated after number 2.

I struggle with guilt on a regular basis that I’m not doing enough for her. That she isn’t getting all that she needs from me. And fear that I’m not doing a good job. Who knew that sweet baby I gave birth to last year was accompanied by so much guilt? As soon as I had her I wanted so much to do everything right. Sadly being a first time mom, I had no idea what right was. Or that the fact that right/perfect didn't exist. It took awhile. A long while. Hell... maybe I'm still trying to realize that.

I try everyday to be the best Mommy that I can be. Tears well up in my eyes every time I think about all the hopes and dreams I have for my child. I want so much for her be a vessel in which I can place all that is good in me.